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COLD START
THE BEGINNING
Pole barn. Big ideas, empty pockets, zero clue. Education? Hard knocks, expensive mistakes, 2 AM Google searches.
About Boneyard Tees
00 / DOSSIER
ORIGINSTORY
Custom apparel run by a sarcastic pit bull and two humans. Collegeville, PA. Shirts that don't suck, shipped fast.
- 2023FOUNDED
- PACOLLEGEVILLE
- ∞SARCASM SUPPLY
EST · 2023LOADSTORY
> Initializing company history...
$ [████████████] 100%
> Year: 2023 · Location: Collegeville, USA
> Status: Recovering from corporate PTSD
Buying apparel used to mean overpriced garbage and customer service reps who lost the will to live. We said screw it, we'll do it ourselves. Spoiler: we had no idea what we were doing. Through spectacular failures, questionable decisions, and a crippling caffeine dependency — we figured this out. Orders move. Coffee flows. We're not stopping.
> MISSION_STATEMENT.txt
OURJOURNEY
- 2023
- 2024 — 2025
CALIBRATINGLEARNING CURVE
Learned a shit-ton. Expert level? Nah, but we're not stumbling in the dark either. Plenty of epic fails — the kind where you stare at the ceiling questioning every choice. That's how you actually get good. Knock us down, we get back up and probably make a sarcastic shirt about it.
- 2026IN GEAR
TODAY
Hit our groove. Masters of the universe? Nah. But we've dialed in what we're good at and we sharpen daily. Looking at the origin pics, the difference is wild. Future's looking good — we're ready for it.
MEETTHE PACK
STEPH C
CLASS · OwnerCOFFEE80%
SARCASM100%
DESIGN85%
GIVES A DAMN100%
SPECIAL · Gets hit by cars a lot
MARK C
CLASS · Whipping BoyCOFFEE95%
SARCASM90%
DESIGN75%
GIVES A DAMN100%
SPECIAL · Screws things up
MERICA
CLASS · Chief Mascot OfficerCOFFEE0%
SARCASM150%
DESIGN60%
GIVES A DAMN200%
SPECIAL · Provides emotional support (and sass)
COMPANYVALUES
[*] END_OF_FILE.exe
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